Lawyer-Speak, Decoded

I realized today that lawyers have basically created a double-speak language that we use when we want to broadcast our feelings without actually *saying* what we feel. Often, lawyers use this language when dealing with judges or opposing counsel - someone with whom we have to use *very* precise language.

1) "With all due respect..." Anecdote: I was arguing in front of a judge the other day. The law was on my side - this was undisputed. The judge ultimately held against my client, based on a horribly erroneous interpretation of the law. In responding to this (and attempting to politely inform the judge that he was SO WRONG), I responded with "With all due respect, your honor" and proceeded to attempt to change his mind. No such luck - but "With all due respect" was my code for "Stop being such an idiot!"

2) "Honestly..." I don't use this one, but any time someone prefaces an explanation with "Honestly," the words immediately following that are not "honest."  If a party on the opposite side of a case starts his explanation with that word, I know to follow up and figure out what actually happened.

3) "Probably/More than likely/Not likely" These are a lawyer's answers to any questions posed by a client. The first thing they beat out of you in law school is the ability to answer yes-or-no questions.  Even if I have a unanimous Supreme Court opinion on the very question the client asks, I would be hard-pressed to say "Yes!" or "Nope!" It's just not in me anymore. (Unfortunately, this has translated to my everyday life and it drives TH crazy. I can't tell you how many times he's responded to me with "Can you please just answer my question?" No. No, TH. I can't just answer your question.)

4) "Mistakes in judgment were made." This is easy. It means the lawyer screwed up. (I have yet to use this one, thank God and knock on wood).